Solitude, Screens, and the Spell We’re Under
Breaking the spell of the screen isn’t as easy as just deleting an app. It’s a full-body, mind-warping recalibration.
As I settled into Day 2 of my digital detox — with my feet barefoot in the grass and my mind still spinning — I realized how deep the hooks really are. The phone, the photos, the posts, the approval. It’s not just habit. It’s neurological, behavioral, addictive.
Less Is More Meaningful
One of the most powerful truths from Digital Minimalism (Cal Newport, 2019) is this:
“Clutter is costly. Optimization is important. Intentionality is satisfying.”
That phrase hit me like a meditation bell.
We apply minimalism in our finances. In our closets. On our land. Why not apply it to our tech?
In fact, I’d love to weave this into the Shambhala Guidelines:
Minimalism isn’t restriction. It’s liberation. The less noise, the more meaning.
On Reclaiming Solitude
Cal Newport calls it solitude deprivation, a term he borrowed from Henry Thoreau in Walden (my next re-read!). The inability to be alone with your thoughts. And I felt it.
Even while grounding in an Adirondack chair, feet in the earth, surrounded by mountain air — I reached for my phone. To take a picture. To “capture” the moment instead of fully living it.
Why? Because I’ve trained myself to document everything… or it’s like it didn’t happen.
But solitude isn’t about being alone in nature.
It’s about stillness inside.
It’s about hearing your own thoughts. Feeling your own presence.
And in this culture, that has become radical.
Awareness Is Step One
- The day prior to the detox, I tracked over 300 notifications in a day.
- I watched myself compulsively want to check who “liked” what.
- I caught myself justifying screen time because I was “listening to Audible” or “checking a flight.”
Awareness is messy at first. But it’s freeing. The detox isn’t a reset button — it’s a magnifying glass.
You see the behaviors. The reflexes. The loopholes your mind will create to get that dopamine hit. And you start asking…
“Wait — do I even need to track my steps (or sleep) today?”
“What if I just… didn’t check any apps (XX times/day)?”
“What if I listened to records instead of podcasts?”
“What would happen if I didn’t go back?”
Redefining Connection
Since 2007 I’ve watched social media evolve from:
- a place to mark yourself at a location,
- to a photo diary of hikes and events “highlight reel,”
- to a hyper-curated, always-on marketing machine.
Even though we all hate ads, at some point, we all became the product.
Especially in network marketing, we were told to friend, follow, post, “FAM,” spam — and maximize our reach at all costs.
But what if connection didn’t mean quantity? Newport says, according to Dunbar’s Number – a number derived from and related to the neocortex, humans can only maintain 150 relationships at once. I have 4100 friends on Facebook, over 1000 on Instagram, over 500 on TikTok, and nearly 2000 on LinkedIn. Come on. No wonder I wake up with anxiety about “keeping up.”
I’m honestly toying with a slow purge — maybe one letter per month. Touch base with people. Tell them what I’m doing. If they don’t respond, unfriend. A long, deliberate goodbye to a bloated “inner circle.” I’m starting with A…
The Addictive Personality Loop
A workout coach once told me, we all have an inner pendulum, and mine is a stronger all-or-nothing than most.
In this, I’ve definitely noticed my inner pendulum at the apex:
🌀 All in → All out
🍪 All the cookies → None of the cookies
📱All the screen time → Full detox
Cold turkey is my superpower… until the creep starts again. Then it feels like you’re hooked back into the matrix. And I know I’m not alone.
This detox is helping me see the patterns.
And reclaim the autonomy I lost in those little, invisible trades.
No More Weak Resolutions
Temporary detoxes are like New Year’s resolutions — easy to wiggle out of when life gets hard. That’s why I’m committed to doing this differently now – and I know it will take time, but I’m committed.
▶️ I’m defining my personal tech “rules,” or boundaries.
▶️ I’m clarifying what’s optional vs vital.
▶️ I’m crafting a re-entry screening process that includes:
- Awareness (Why am I checking this?)
- Tools (Maybe I need a real watch?)
- Clear boundaries (No notifications. No justifications.)
And maybe most important of all… I’m asking myself:
“What do I want to bring back?”
“What do I not miss?”
“What is worth my time, energy, and peace?”
Where We Go From Here
The Shambhala Collective is about living deliberately. Choosing the wildness of real connection over digital distraction. Cultivating presence, not just productivity.
This isn’t about hating tech. It’s about harnessing it — with intention.
Next Up in the Digital Detox Diary:
Re-entry Strategies, New Rituals, and Designing a Life that Feels Like Freedom
👉🏼 I’d love to know — have you ever noticed your own pendulum swing between overuse and total abstinence? What would your tech rules look like if you made them from scratch?
If you missed “Why I Took a Social Media Detox” or “Digital Detox Journal Pt. 1” you can find them on my blogs page (and more!) here!
